Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Couch. On fire.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
