I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
