I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
