Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
