im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
