Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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