There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
