one two three fourrrrnication!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
