whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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