I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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