You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
