It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
