And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
