somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
