My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
