Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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