You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
