Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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