Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
