nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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