I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
