i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
