is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?