I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.