stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?