Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.