Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?