I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize