she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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