I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
