I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
