just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
where are you?
Hypothermia
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
