I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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