Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
