i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
