shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
