The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
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When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
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We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.