Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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