I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.