i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list