My friends, they love my intelligence
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.