I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
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I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.