Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
