You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
