He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
