Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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