found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dignity is for republicans.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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