Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
