well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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