he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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