I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
