I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
