I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
