They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
