We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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