Moan for me like Helen Keller
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
