I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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