we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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