I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
