I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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