Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
