hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Buhtt sex?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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