Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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