omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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