with your own penis?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Randomize
