dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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