when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
