My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
