8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
