there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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