ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
