He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
