Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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