I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Found the puke drawer
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize