Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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