She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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