if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
