Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
