My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
