what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just had sex on a roof
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
