Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
