I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
