What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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