My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
