This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
