I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
