Who did Billy Mays play for?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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