the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
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