i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
